Stage One – Early Labour
On the 29th August I had a relatively normal day although I didn’t have my regular afternoon nap – a move that I would later regret! That night Brian and I decided to have sex to try and bring labour on again (It had worked the two previous times). Sure enough at midnight I felt those now familiar tightenings. Brian was fast asleep so I decided to walk around our lounge room to see if the contractions dissipated. They didn’t. I took to leaning over our bed and circling my hips through a surge and they were coming about 5 minutes apart. I wasn’t in a lot of pain although the feeling was more intense than my previous pre-labour contractions.
At 3:30am (there’s the 3 from my dream) I woke Brian and soon after, I sent him to wake mum, to see if she too thought I was now in ‘real’ labour. She came down, watched me through a couple of contractions and said, “I think this is it, you are in labour”. I was so relieved to hear her say it, even though I had felt that this was the real thing. Brian went up to my little sister’s room and brought her beanbag downstairs for me to kneel into. I had seen this position in ‘New Active Birth’ and thought I would try it for a few contractions as I was getting tired from being upright. Lying down in bed increased the intensity of the contractions even more for me, so I wanted to avoid that. The beanbag was a good position so I stayed there until my legs started to hurt. Mum went back to bed after an hour or so and it was just Brian and I.
I had felt that my labour would begin in the night so it was nice to have the dark and quiet to get used to the contractions and all the feelings of labour. My contractions were still 4/5 minutes apart and I wondered what stage I was at. I didn’t know if my two days of pre-labour contractions had dilated me at all and I knew the general ‘rules’ are, that when contractions are this close apart you usually go into hospital. However, I wanted to stay at home as long as possible before we went to the birth centre. At 6am I went to the toilet to find I had had a show. I was excited at that point because I knew that I was dilating and the reality that I was in true labour sunk in. While eating a little breakfast, I watched the sunrise through the window and wondered if today was the day I would meet my baby.
I now had 6 hours of contractions under my belt and thought I would give the midwife a call. She said that it sounded as though it was indeed labour but to stay home until I could no longer, and to get some rest as this could go on into the night. I was a little disappointed that she thought labour would last for a lot longer as I thought my baby would be born by mid-afternoon. Surely
!There hadn’t been a shift in the intensity of contractions since they began so I thought I would lie down on the bed and try to sleep. It really hurt lying down, but I must have been pretty exhausted (no sleep since the night of 28th it was now morning on 30th) because I did doze for about an hour and a half. When I couldn’t lie down any longer I began my routine of walking between contractions and leaning over my bed and swinging my hips in circles through a contraction. Brian thought it looked strange but it felt like the most natural thing to do. I was proud of my body for knowing how to bring my baby down and of myself for dealing with the contractions.
I lost track of time during the day but I just alternated from walking around the house leaning over lounge chairs, on the walls or kitchen counter during surges – and talking to my family between them – to going back to my room for some privacy. There I tried to rest while kneeling into the beanbag or on a mattress on the floor with my upper body on the bed. I was excited to finally be in labour but a little anxious too in wondering what the rest of labour might bring. Also, though, there was a great sense of calm inside me that my body knew what to do and all that I needed to birth my baby was within me.
At 10am I called the midwife again as I was getting slightly frustrated at how long it was taking. I felt that the intensity hadn’t increased since 3.30am even though the time between contractions was still about 4 minutes apart. I was also unsure how I would know when it was really time to go to hospital. The midwife said that I would not feel comfortable at home anymore and there would be an uncontrollable urge to go to the place that I had chosen to deliver my baby. Basically, I would just know! This made me a bit angry in an irrational way as I knew that what she was saying was the right thing – I was just frustrated with the length of labour. It had now been 10 hours of 4 minute apart contractions. Where were these textbook 20 minute apart contractions decreasing in intervals of 5 minutes and a 16 hour first time labour, I wondered!?!
I was in labour throughout Saturday. I ate icy-poles, drank apple juice and lots of water, I think I had something to eat other than breakfast but I can’t remember what that was. I emptied my bowel twice, peed every hour, and I had two showers – the second one really easing the pain and giving me some relief. I tried to remain relaxed and focused because it was obvious that my labour was going to be long. I could feel my baby kicking away as usual so I knew she was fine. At my last antenatal appointment I had been told that she hadn’t yet engaged so I had expected my labour to last a while, but was starting to worry that maybe I would feel too tired to continue labouring and lose my dream of a drug-free birth.
Stage One – Active Labour
At 3:30pm (The 3 again) I felt a slight shift in the intensity of my contractions. The surges became stronger and it took a bit of moaning to focus through them. Brian was sitting on the floor in the bedroom timing my contractions (still about 4 minutes apart) and watching me move through them. At 4pm I was sure that the time was getting close and at 4:30pm Brian and I both knew the contractions had definitely intensified. At that moment, Brian decided to make himself dinner before we went to the hospital! I called the midwife and we arranged to meet at the birth centre at 6pm. I was very impatient to get going and watching mum and Brian just calmly eating was making me feel a bit angry but the contractions were getting quite painful so I couldn’t really complain. As I hugged my Grandma goodbye, she whispered in my ear, “Be brave.” and at that moment, I knew I would be.
Finally, Brian, mum and I were in the car on the way to the birth centre. My ‘Best of Crowded House’ CD was on in the car and now every time I listen to it I think of that special day. In the car the contractions were difficult to deal with as I was sitting down so I found myself lifting off the seat slightly during a contraction to ease the pressure. I began to go into my labour zone in the car but at that stage I also lost a bit of focus. The contractions spaced out to 6/7minutes apart in the car, and I believe this was because of the adrenalin that was probably pumping through my body at the time.
When we arrived at the hospital, Brian went to park the car while mum and I made our way to the birth centre. I had a contraction in the foyer as a couple walked past but there wasn’t anyone else thankfully. The elevator was empty which I was really happy about because I had another contraction in there. Then again in front of my birthing room, and again as soon as I walked in. My contractions had ramped up again.
I was very happy to see that our room was number 3 (just like in my dream, and I then realised that my contractions had started at [M]idnight on the 29th!!!) and I immediately felt safe and protected. Our midwife asked how I was feeling and if I wanted an internal examination. We were told in our childbirth education classes it was standard procedure to ask the woman if she wanted an internal, although we could refuse if we chose to. I, however, wanted to make sure that I was dilating and that we had arrived at hospital in established labour. The midwife said that I was 5/6cm dilated and my waters were bulging – she thought they would break soon. Since 3:30pm I had felt that maybe my waters were right there and this confirmed my suspicions. It was 6pm. I made a bet with mum that I thought Hannah would arrive by 10pm which is when I would have the opportunity for another internal. The heartbeat was checked by Doppler and it was clear and strong.
The next couple of hours were a blur of contractions, heat packs, walking and swinging my hips while leaning over the bed. I wasn’t able to use the big tub as I had hoped, because my midwife hadn’t received her accreditation yet, but I planned to use the double shower when the contractions increased. At this point I withdrew deep within myself. I wasn’t really thinking during contractions, I just surrendered to the force. I kept seeing the quote “If you allow yourself to relax and surrender, you float. If you struggle and fight, you sink” repeat over and over in my mind. I allowed my body to take over. Between contractions I rested – my mind just shut off to conserve energy. I was amazed at the beauty of labour.
I wanted my waters to break naturally, and knew as soon as they did labour would speed up. As the clock ticked closer to 10pm I knew that my baby wasn’t going to be born yet. I agreed to another internal, and the midwife said I had only dilated another cm to 6/7cm, and that my waters were still bulging. They were very strong and tight, so she offered to break them for me and I agreed. It was painless and then I felt the warm liquid flood out. The water gushed like a waterfall and the relief was amazing. The midwife warned me that the pain would increase now and that I could use the shower for relief.
The next contraction hit, and it hurt. It really hurt. I was shocked at the pain. My birth song grew louder and I squatted low during contractions with the force. I was absolutely in my zone now, and I think my eyes were closed most of the time. I decided a shower was needed and sat on the birthing ball while one nozzle pointed at my back and the other at my tummy. The water was so hot – even though it felt just right to me – that Brian refused to get in. He stayed at the door with me though and pointed the nozzles how I asked.
Stage One – Transition
I couldn’t sit for long as the pressure was too much so I stood again and held onto the bars in the shower. I was standing, leaning over the bar and circling my hips at the beginning of a surge, and then as the pain deepened, I circled lower to the ground almost squatting. The contractions are very hard to describe. It is an extremely intense pain but somehow almost delicious, bordering on pleasure. After the birth I tried to explain to Brian that before the waters were broken it was as though they were cushioning some of the force, and without them, the pain was surging through my bones, touching every part of me. I use the word intense often but it’s the only one that sums it up.
As I was standing in the shower, I started to shake a little and I started feeling very out of control and confused. My birth song grew even louder and I started losing focus. I said to Brian, “Why is it taking so long?” “I just want my baby, why isn’t she here yet?” and some other mumbling. Brian kept reassuring me through the contractions that it was okay and that she would be here very soon. That was my transition – my body had opened and was almost ready to birth my baby. The midwife asked if I wanted to get out and I walked over to my favourite spot – the beanbag. I kneeled into it and closed my eyes and mum put a light blanket over me to keep me warm. I ‘rested’ for about 10 minutes (learnt this later, had no concept of time at that point) and at the birth de-brief the midwife said that she knew then that I was nearly ready to push as this was my body preparing itself for the second stage.
Stage Two – Pushing and Birth of Baby
At approximately midnight, 24 hours after the commencement of labour, I felt ready to start pushing my baby out. With the next contraction I felt some pressure and the midwife said that I could try to push if I felt like it. I tried but nothing really happened and I couldn’t feel anything. I did this for another couple of contractions but couldn’t quite get the idea. The midwife was supportive and explained that I should push as though I was doing a poo. We tried another position where Brian sat on the bed and I tried a supported squat which didn’t work very well, so I went back to kneeling. After some time of this, I remember saying, “It feels like I have to poo!” and my pushing become a bit more effective. The midwife suggested trying the birthing stool, and my pushing was very effective on that. She told me the head was crowning and asked if I wanted to see. I opened my eyes and saw in the mirror that my baby’s head was right there ready to be born. Now that’s a sight you never forget!
We then moved (well, I waddled, it’s very hard to walk when you have a head coming out of your vagina!) back to the beanbag as the midwife said that she wanted me to avoid a tear and they were more common on the birthing stool as you were stretched. Mum and Brian were at my head as I kneeled into the beanbag and the midwife was behind me with a mirror and flashlight. In the next couple of pushes the head came out and then slipped back in. This happened several times and was a very strange feeling. During this time I kept repeating/mumbling, “Oh my god!” My body was completely taking over.
I felt increasingly out of control with the contractions and with the next one bore down really hard. The head crowned and the midwife asked me to stop pushing. I was worried about this part before labour, but it was barely stinging and I allowed my body to stretch as my baby’s head was born. We waited for the next contraction with Hannah gazing around the room, half earthside, half within me. Brian took some photos of this; he said it was surreal to watch. She was born with her little hand next to her head just as a midwife had predicted during our antenatal appointments.
With the next contraction I pushed hard and felt her body start to slip out of me. The midwife asked me to push one more time and I think she helped manoeuvre her shoulders out. I felt a slippery feeling and then a great release as my baby was finally born. The time was 12:54 am. (1+2+5+4=12, 1+2=3). She was immediately passed through to me and as I held her I was so surprised at the weight of her. I looked up at Brian and said “It’s our baby. Our baby is here.” I was in love. She was beautiful and I didn’t even check to see whether she was a girl. It didn’t matter, I had birthed my precious baby and this was our first meeting. She looked straight into my eyes and I fell in love with my daughter. I felt a calm pass through me as I realised I had come full circle and had finally become a mother.
[Extra info: I had no tears. Established labour was recorded as 8.5hrs. I had planned natural third stage and delayed cord cutting, but was given the injection that expeles the placenta as soon as Hannah was born because I had a big blood loss.]
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